You don't have to eat it....

I've written about this before in another blog that I write for, but it's worth mentioning here.

I've found that the phrase "you don't have to eat it" is magic when feeding my two kids.

Before I had kids, I attended an Ellyn Satter seminar, where she showed various clips of kids being fed - some of the clips showed examples of what not to do, as in the case of a chubby little boy crying when his food was taken away from him in an effort to help him lose weight. Another clip that really stood out to me was of a daycare worker, sitting down to eat a snack with about four children. One of the boys asked her "what is this", as he held up a chunk of cheese. She told him, and he proclaimed "I don't like cheese". Instead of trying to convince him otherwise ("you liked cheese yesterday, how about just one bite?" and so on), she simply said "it's ok, you don't have to eat it". Then, she continued with her snack, pleasantly talking to the children. Sure enough, when the boy realized the choice was his and that he wasn't going to get a rise out of his teacher, he popped the cheese in his mouth.

Now, I know plenty of parents who live by the "three bites" rule, and I also admit to enforcing that rule from time to time in my house. But, I have witnessed magic happen at my dinner table when I simply say "it's ok, you don't have to eat it". Of course, after I say these words, I proceed to eat the accused food and enjoy it (without making a big scene of course - that would cause suspicion in the kiddo's sharp mind).

You must remember that kids are always taking mental notes. Even if they don't eat the broccoli this time, they are observing you eat it (without dying!), and they are getting used to the fact that broccoli exists and sometimes shows up on their plate. It is reassuring to them that they are not in control of what appears on their plate (the adults are in charge of that), but that they will not be forced to eat something before they are ready (they are in charge of their own body).

This is a marathon, not a sprint - our job is not to force them to eat the broccoli this time (and possibly turn them into broccoli haters for the balance of their life); our job is to raise people who are willing to try foods, assess if they like it or not, and not freak out if that food is served to them at the White House, or wherever they may be eating (a parent can dream...).