Hot or Not? You choose

At my gym, the room where yoga is held has floor to ceiling mirrors, which can be kind of annoying on the days you're feeling pudgy. On one particular day, I was doing my best to avoid watching myself - but in yoga, you kind of have to watch yourself sometimes just to see if you are anywhere in the ballpark of the amazingly limber instructor as she demonstrates poses. So,I found myself gazing at my reflection, hating the way my hips seemed wider than usual.


But then, I decided to just stop it. And, beyond that, I decided to love the way I look, if just for this hour. And, I have to say - it really worked. I looked at myself as if I was another woman, admired my curves, and my strength. I went through the poses relishing my muscles and what they could do for me, and I felt, well....hot. Not as in overheated, I mean as in kind of attractive. Just because I changed my mind.


The image that we have of ourself is typically much harsher than reality. When we gain five pounds, we think it looks as obvious as pink hair. But, it's not - no one really notices. Do we really need to be so hard on ourselves over something that no one else really sees or cares about?


That saying that beauty comes from the inside is true, on many different levels; part of the truth is that beauty comes from us when we believe it is there. When we aren't beating ourselves up and wishing we looked different, and when we actually choose to like the way we look, we act differently. It also frees up some of our brainpower to focus on something other than our thigh cellulite - which is a relief.

Perception becomes reality?

In the July 2008 issue of the Journal of the American Dietetic Association, there is a fascinating study that looked at teens over time. They tracked 1,728 normal weight teens over about a year, to try to figure out why some of those normal weight kids crossed over into the overweight category. In other words, they were trying to figure out what typically predicts that a teenager will become overweight.

Do you know what they found? The strongest predictors for the teens to become overweight were their self perception that they were overweight (that is, even when they were not overweight, they thought they were fat), and their attempts to diet, even when they were at a normal weight.

Folks, this is huge. This the diet mentality at work - a normal weight teen feels fat, decides to do something about it, falls into the diet mentality, and a real weight problem now begins. For some of them, they will continue to cycle like this (crash dieting, losing a little weight, then going off the diet and gaining everything plus a few pounds back). On top of it all, their relationship with food and their body will begin to take up way too much of their time and attention.

Of course, further studies need to be done - I would like to learn more about why some normal weight kids think they are fat, while others don't. I have a few suspicions, as you probably do, too. I know that studies have shown that kids model dieting behavior learned in the home - little girls as young as 8 have been heard complaining about their weight, usually because they hear their mom complain about her weight. Maybe the teens that feel fat (even though they are not fat), simply hear their mom or other relative talk about being fat a lot. Maybe they have even been warned not to eat too much because they could become fat.

This is what worries me so much about all of the attention we give to childhood obesity - yes, it is a problem, but is all of our blabber about it creating more of a problem? Are kids feeling fat because we're talking about them being fat so much? What can we do to convince normal weight kids that they are not fat and they will only make the problem worse if they try to go on a diet?

A broccoli story

We have experienced a success with broccoli in my house.

My six year old is a pretty good eater, but he definitely has his opinions about food. But, I've been following my own advice, and continue to serve him a variety of food while not pressuring him to eat it.

Broccoli has continued to sit untouched on his plate. We serve broccoli at least once a week, as I happen to love broccoli, as does my husband. I've tried covering his with a bit of cheese - didn't work. I've asked him to try it, and once in awhile he will dare to put a little bit on his tongue. So far, the result has been the same. "Yuck".

The boy loves soy sauce, and even prefers it to ketchup on most food. It had never occurred to me before to tell him to try his broccoli with a little soy sauce on it until the other night. Bingo - we now have a magic formula for broccoli consumption.

The moral of the story is to keep trying - in a low-key way. He would never have discovered the yumminess that soy sauce brings to steamed broccoli if I had given up and stopped serving him broccoli. Also, if I had forced him to eat his broccoli when he declared it was "yuck", he would have hated the thought of broccoli by now.

By the way, this works for adults, too - even if you don't like a particular food, it's important to keep trying it prepared in different ways. Green beans out of the can taste completely different than fresh green beans, steamed slightly. There are all kinds of different tricks and techniques that make food taste good, or not taste good.

The only way out of it is through it

One of the hardest messages to deliver to people, as a nutritionist, is this one of "Eat only what you like". The idea that unhealthy food tastes good and healthy food tastes bad is deeply entrenched in our culture, I'm afraid, so that some people think this is reckless advice.

I strongly believe that before people can come to enjoy healthy food and eat right for their own body, they first have to get out of the diet mentality thinking. As long as you eat with an internal struggle going on of "good" vs. "bad", "healthy" vs. "unhealthy", you will never be able to appreciate healthy food because there will always be a certain amount of resentment there; you will be pining away for what you're missing out on, because you're forced to eat healthy.

The only way out of it is through it, and some people may have a time of gluttony as they allow themselves to truly eat what they want. But, on the other side of the diet mentality is the ability and desire to balance. And, as you feel better about yourself and your relationship with food, you're able to start to really appreciate the goodness that is in, say, a sweet potato. Eating healthy is no longer punishment, it's living well.

You don't have to eat it....

I've written about this before in another blog that I write for, but it's worth mentioning here.

I've found that the phrase "you don't have to eat it" is magic when feeding my two kids.

Before I had kids, I attended an Ellyn Satter seminar, where she showed various clips of kids being fed - some of the clips showed examples of what not to do, as in the case of a chubby little boy crying when his food was taken away from him in an effort to help him lose weight. Another clip that really stood out to me was of a daycare worker, sitting down to eat a snack with about four children. One of the boys asked her "what is this", as he held up a chunk of cheese. She told him, and he proclaimed "I don't like cheese". Instead of trying to convince him otherwise ("you liked cheese yesterday, how about just one bite?" and so on), she simply said "it's ok, you don't have to eat it". Then, she continued with her snack, pleasantly talking to the children. Sure enough, when the boy realized the choice was his and that he wasn't going to get a rise out of his teacher, he popped the cheese in his mouth.

Now, I know plenty of parents who live by the "three bites" rule, and I also admit to enforcing that rule from time to time in my house. But, I have witnessed magic happen at my dinner table when I simply say "it's ok, you don't have to eat it". Of course, after I say these words, I proceed to eat the accused food and enjoy it (without making a big scene of course - that would cause suspicion in the kiddo's sharp mind).

You must remember that kids are always taking mental notes. Even if they don't eat the broccoli this time, they are observing you eat it (without dying!), and they are getting used to the fact that broccoli exists and sometimes shows up on their plate. It is reassuring to them that they are not in control of what appears on their plate (the adults are in charge of that), but that they will not be forced to eat something before they are ready (they are in charge of their own body).

This is a marathon, not a sprint - our job is not to force them to eat the broccoli this time (and possibly turn them into broccoli haters for the balance of their life); our job is to raise people who are willing to try foods, assess if they like it or not, and not freak out if that food is served to them at the White House, or wherever they may be eating (a parent can dream...).

Annoying nutrition advice

You know, the reason I became a dietitian in the first place is because I was deeply entrenched in the diet mentality, trying to figure out the magic formula to being skinny. I was game for anything, including starvation (although never slipping into a full-blown eating disorder, I definitely dwelled in disordered eating).

So, I spent a lot of time pouring over magazines looking for "diet tricks". Here are some of the most annoying of all time:

1. If you are craving potato chips, try munching on carrot sticks (uhh, not even close)
2. Keep a log on your refrigerator, and log how often you open the refrigerator (why?)
3. Keep a scale by your refrigerator - check to see your weight before you dive into food (hello - that's what your hunger pangs afer for!)
4. Never eat past Xpm at night (how random!)
5. If you are hungry past Xpm at night, brush your teeth instead (mmmm, toothpaste)
6. Put a picture of a celebrity you admire on your refrigerator, to inspire you (will that bring their personal chef, personal trainer, and bank account into my life, too?)
7. Chew each bite 100 times (let's bore that weight off)
8. When you order out at a restaurant, ask the waiter to bag half of your entree before they even serve it to you (or, how to tick off your waiter)
9. When you're craving ice cream, ask for a sample at an ice cream shop, then leave (or, how to tick off the local ice cream shop)
10. To feel decadent when you're dieting, bathe in cream (yes, I read this once as diet advice)

Do you have any annoying diet advice you'd like to share?

Feeding Kids - Everybody, act casual....

One of the tricks of feeding kids is to act casual. They are watching.

Here's what I mean - you carefully prepare a healthy dinner, complete with two vegetables and a lean protein source (OK, a dinner of marinated chicken breast, buttered noodles, sauteed spinach and brussel sprouts). You put the plate in front of 4-year old, who promptly proclaims "Ewww - I'm not eating this".

Here's the moment of truth - what do you do?
A. Beg. Then bribe. Then plead. Then play choo-choo. Then repeat.
B. Jump up to make him hot dogs and Mac & Cheese. Put it on his favorite plate.
C. Make him eat it or sit there until bedtime. Serve said food for breakfast. Repeat.
D. Say "you don't have to eat it". Then sit and enjoy your dinner and act like you haven't a care in the world.

If you picked anything but "D", you may be creating the picky eating problem in your house.

See, there is a psychology to feeding kids (see my post about feeding kids here). These little guys get very suspicious when they sense that we are trying too hard. In their minds, trying too hard = something unpleasant. Think shots at the doctor's office. We don't have to try too hard when there is an ice cream cone, involved, now do we? They are on to us....

The best way to feed these little detectives is to simply do our job - provide the structure (meals and snacks), and decide on the menu. Then, back off. Cool as a cucumber. Couldn't care less if he touches the spinach. Before you know it.... Houston, he has tried the spinach!

Are you in the diet mentality?

I toss around this term diet mentality a lot, and it occurred to me that I'd better define it.

But, it's kind of hard to define. So, here goes:

Do you think in terms of "good" foods and "bad" foods?
Do you feel good when you eat "good" foods and bad when you eat "bad" foods?
Do you ever feel disgusted with yourself over what you just ate?
Do you tend to think of yourself as either on a diet or off a diet (and eat accordingly?)
Do you try to trick your food cravings?
Do you feel guilty when you give in and eat what you are craving?
Do you celebrate by ordering "something fattening"?
Do you spend a lot of time thinking about food?
Do you often find yourself trying to calculate calories, or carbs, or fat grams?
Do you think that life will be better once you reach a certain weight?
Does your scale tend to dictate whether you feel happy or not?
Do you live by certain eating rules, such as not eating white foods, or not eating after 6pm?
Does eating healthy feel like a chore to you?



These are all indicators that you are living in the diet mentality; One of the reasons the diet mentality does not work is that you put all of your energy into external rules (good foods, bad foods, best time to eat, appropriate serving size, etc), and very little energy into your own internal cues (how hungry are you? what do you feel like eating? what is your body craving?) You are simply not listening to your body anymore when you are trying to go by a scripted "diet". And your body will always refuse to be ignored - your cravings will get more intense, your emotions more on the cranky side, you will be less satisfied with the food, etc.

Food is food and nothing more. A Twinkie is not evil and it does not make you a bad person if you eat one. Broccoli does not make you a better person when you eat it. Sure, nutrition plays a role in health, but there are many facets to health - a person eating a virtuous diet but not enjoying their life is not healthy, in my book. I'd also like to propose that a person surviving by eating only junk food is also obviously not healthy, for reasons other than just the food they are putting in their system. When you have a healthy self-esteem, you simply don't want to eat only junk food. A person who only wants the so-called "bad" foods is beating themself up from the inside out, for reasons known only to them.

Let's get off of the diet rollercoaster, and out of the diet mentality, so we can get on with the business of nourishing ourselves with food and life.

The magic of hunger

I've been thinking about hunger a lot lately; being hungry is really an essential ingredient to enjoying food. Our bodies give us hunger pangs for a reason, but we tend to ignore them one way or another.

Many people don't like the feeling of hunger (as I've mentioned in a previous post). They will try to and stay ahead of the hunger pangs by munching all day, and by overeating when possible. Most of the time, this occurs because of a negative experience with hunger - either because of a period of time when food was not available, or, more commonly, a self-imposed starvation diet.

We tend to expect our hunger to be predictable - that we should always be hungry at set times, for a certain amount of food. So, we eat this way, whether our bodies are telling us to or not. We could learn a lot by watching children eat - sometimes they are hungry and eat a lot, sometimes they are not hungry. It really doesn't matter that it is 6pm and dinner is served. If their body is not sending the signals, they will sit there and pick at their food. Until. Until the adults take charge and somehow make them override themselves and eat despite the lack of desire. (How many of today's adults learned to overeat this way?)

Some adults have become so out of touch with their bodies, that they report they don't even know what it feels like to be hungry. They have simply avoided hunger for years, and can't remember what it really feels like.

Others have learned to apply the label "hungry" to unrelated emotions, such as actual boredom, fear, anxiety, anger, etc. They have learned to distract themselves from negative emotions by labeling those emotions as "I'm hungry". Needless to say, this is a contributor to unwanted weight and does not deal with the actual emotion.

Allowing our body enough time between eating to get nice and hungry is a very healthy thing to do - plus it makes food taste much better! We also need to allow our children to get hungry - this is a tricky thing to explain to parents, because it sounds alarmingly like I am proposing we starve our chilren to make them better eaters (I am not). But, when we allow kids to munch all day, giving them access to food whenever they feel like it, they end up not hungry - ever. With kids, this also applies to drinking all day - I have talked to many parents with picky children who reveal that their child is a big all-day milk drinker or juice drinker.

Try it for a few days - really check in with your body, and don't eat until it is sending clear hunger signals. Notice how much better the food tastes. If you have children, try to limit between meal eating and drinking (except for water), and see if they don't eat better when they come to the dinner table with an actual appetite. Don't push them to eat more than they want, because you are overriding their own internal hunger cue! More on feeding kids later....

But what about nutrition?

Another problem people have with the rule of eating only what they like, is that they assume they will never eat a healthy food again if they truly allow themselves to follow the advice.

What I have found is that as people get away from the diet mentality, and stop labeling foods as "good" or "bad", they find they have a fondness for all kinds of food. Rich chocolate cake and super sweet apples. Broccoli with garlic and tiramisu. And, they find that they were eating some things that they really didn't love - maybe they realize that they don't actually like the french fries from Burger King, for example. Or, maybe they realize that they are burned out on boneless, skinless chicken breast for dinner.

It is a leap of faith to allow our tastes to dictate what we eat. However, as you learn more about food and nutrition, you become naturally more interested in trying healthier foods. Some foods we like right away, and some foods we develop a taste for, as we learn more about them.

Also, as we learn to eat only what we like, we end up being satisfied with a smaller amount. Diving into that perfect piece of key lime pie is decadent and satisfying - until about the fourth bite or so. We start enjoying it less, feeling more full, and we have no problem stopping. Wrap it up, waiter - I'll have the rest tomorrow!

Please visit me on PBS Parents!

I have a column posted right now on PBS Parents website - check it out by clicking here!

You mean eat ONLY what I like?

When someone is caught up in the diet mentality, one of the hardest things to convince them is that it's really better in the long run to eat only what you like to eat. We are a nation that believes that healthy food is no fun and doesn't taste as good as unhealthy food, and that the only food we really like is junk food.

Let me give two personal examples. One day, I found myself eating Tootsie Rolls because they were available at the office, and I was needing.... something. Rest, a break, a conversation, whatever. So, I was "rewarding" myself with Tootsie Rolls. Then, I realized - I don't really like Tootsie Rolls. I mean, they're ok, and I kind of get why some people love them - but I don't. And, in turn, they really weren't scratching whatever itch I was trying to get at.

My other example is from the healthier side. I had made chicken for dinner, and it turned out pretty bland. It occurred to me that my yummy Emeril's honey mustard would help out, but I was too busy powering through my dinner to get up and find the sauce. So, I just "made do" with my bland chicken. When I was finished with my dinner, I was full - but I was not satisfied. I still craved... something.

When we force ourself to eat something we really don't like, we will always keep craving. And when we eat whatever junk crosses our path as a "reward", we'll still keep craving. It's that simple.

Try it - pay attention to what you are eating, and ask yourself if you really like it. If the answer is no, you know what to do!